乐播传媒

At the start of their child鈥檚 college hunt, parents tend to speculate about their children鈥檚 prospects for career and happiness.

But in the weeks and days before the start of college itself, they start drilling down to the basics.

Carrie Murphey ’06, assistant dean of students for first-year experience and housing, is a prime mover in the activities during and around Opening Day and Orientation. When she hears from parents and family members of new students during the summer, it鈥檚 often about issues like, 鈥�’They鈥檒l need to know how to do laundry!鈥� or 鈥榃hat if they need a snack and the dining hall is closed?鈥欌��

Such concerns only make sense. 鈥淭hey鈥檙e watching their child live at home, and then feeling like, 鈥榃ell, what will that look like at college?鈥欌��

Nevertheless, there鈥檚 only one answer to questions like that, Murphey says: 鈥淭heir students won鈥檛 know until they’re here, and they can begin figuring it out for themselves.鈥�

In fact, of all the ways parents can support their newly fledged students, one of the most valuable is easing back and trusting them to figure college out 鈥� and to trust schools like 乐播传媒 to help them do that.

In her chats with family members, Murphey says, 鈥淚鈥檒l try to include phrases like, 鈥榃hat I would tell your student if they called,鈥� or 鈥榃hat your student might hear from me is 鈥�.鈥欌��

鈥淚t鈥檚 important for parents to step back so that their children can develop their own strategies for problem-solving.鈥�

The important point is that 鈥渢he developmental process of college is students emerging further into their self-advocacy. There shouldn’t be anything that a parent or family member can get for their student that the student can鈥檛 get for themselves,鈥� she explains.

鈥淲e recognize and embrace parent and family members as integral to the experience鈥� 鈥� but it鈥檚 鈥渞eally as support for their student鈥檚 experience.鈥�

乐播传媒 parent Genny Allard agrees. 鈥淚t鈥檚 important for parents to step back so that their children can develop their own strategies for problem-solving.鈥� More instructive than supplying answers, she continues, is 鈥渆ncouraging them to find the resources they need on campus to make their own decisions.

鈥淎cting as a guide on the side is really the role of a parent of college kids.鈥�

In three words, Angela Church, the mother of Maya Church 鈥�20 of Atlanta, conveys the 聽internal conflict that parents feel. On the eve of Maya鈥檚 matriculation, she said that she and her husband felt 鈥減roud, thrilled, and nervous.鈥�

The first two words were because Maya would venture far from the familiar South for the school of civil rights leader Benjamin Mays, who graduated from 乐播传媒 exactly 100 years before Maya鈥檚 anticipated graduation date. And 鈥渘ervous鈥� because she wondered 鈥渉ow Maya would manage the cold weather and when she would get homesick.鈥�

So Angela and her husband responded by looking outward and inward, 鈥渂y calling Maya everyday, sending special care packets, flying her home for holidays, and most importantly, praying that Maya would have an outstanding college experience.鈥�

Even as a child gains independence and maturity, parents often still see the vulnerabilities and uncertainties that remain. For Ed Walker 鈥�02, who was a 乐播传媒 student when his daughter, Tiauna Walker 鈥�21 of Millbury, Mass, was born, he saw the things that 鈥渢hat I鈥檝e spent her whole life trying to shelter her from,鈥� such as the dangers of alcohol.

To allay those worries, Walker has learned to “trust. She is a young woman now, and I’ve had to come to terms with that. And I have strong comfort in knowing who she is as a person,鈥� he says.

As Tiauna looks ahead to her sophomore year, that trust has 鈥渁llowed our relationship to get stronger,鈥� Ed says. 鈥淪he talks to me much more openly now, I think. She still checks in with me often and she solicits my advice on a lot of things regarding her academics and just her personal life.

鈥淢ost importantly, at least to me, is that she still shows the utmost respect to herself, which was a foundational lesson for her. As long as she’s doing that, there’s not much more I can really ask for.鈥�

College as a developmental process for parents and students alike is also on the mind of Rebecca Fraser-Thill, a member of the psychology faculty and the director of faculty engagement and outreach for Purposeful Work at 乐播传媒.

She says that the 鈥済uide on the side鈥� concept dovetails neatly with the goal of Purposeful Work: helping students gain self-knowledge that can enable them to align who they are with work that will satisfy them 鈥� and bring them happiness after college, every parent鈥檚 hope.

Now beginning its fifth year of implementation, Purposeful Work has a parent focus. The first year in college, and even the first weeks, 鈥渁re about setting students up for feeling purpose and meaning in their work,鈥� says Fraser-Thill.

Encourage your student to range around 鈥� and be sure to reflect back to them the things that worked and those that didn鈥檛.

That process requires exploration. 鈥淭his is the time to try out different clubs. It’s to try out different courses 鈥� don鈥檛 zero in on a major and take four classes in the same topic the first semester.鈥�

She says, 鈥淪omething that, often, is a tension point early on is when parents encourage narrowing, by and large, faster than we as a liberal arts institution would encourage it.鈥� Instead, encourage your student to range around 鈥� and be sure to reflect back to them the things that worked and those that didn鈥檛.

And while you’re being encouraging, help yourself to some of that too, Fraser-Thill suggests. 鈥淏eing easy on yourself as a parent is really key to the whole process as well 鈥� understanding that it’s a developmental journey for you, as much as it is for your child.鈥�

Allard recalls the time, a few weeks before she launched her son, Jack, on his college career in 2012, that she got a phone call from the mother of a 乐播传媒 senior. It was a welcoming phone call, initiated by 乐播传媒 as a way for veteran 乐播传媒 parents to reach out to new ones 鈥� but it was also a call that Allard welcomed as she contemplated her concerns about sending Jack off.

鈥淪he honestly alleviated any silly concerns I had,鈥� Allard laughs. 鈥淗e was only going to Maine, not the moon.鈥�

She and the caller 鈥渢alked honestly about the concerns mothers have for their children who head off to Maine to college,鈥� says Genny, who teaches at a New Jersey high school.

鈥淭his mother was also from New Jersey. She informed me that buying him L.L.Bean boots would be a good investment for the Maine winters.鈥�

Allaying Allard鈥檚 fears about the distance from New Jersey to Maine, 鈥渟he assured me that that the college was equipped to assist Jack if he needed anything.鈥�

鈥淪he honestly alleviated any silly concerns I had,鈥� Allard laughs. 鈥淗e was only going to Maine, not the moon.鈥�

Allard鈥檚 daughter, Katie, followed Jack to 乐播传媒 three years later. Genny adds, 鈥淚鈥檝e had confidence in them to strategize solutions. We always let our kids know we were here for them if they needed a sounding board, but that they were ultimately the ones who had to make the choices.鈥�

An active volunteer with the college鈥檚 Parents and Family Association, Missy Moreland has been on the giving end of those 乐播传媒 phone calls. Her son is Ned Moreland 鈥�19 of Monkton, Md., and while he鈥檚 been a self-starter at 乐播传媒, she satisfied herself that 乐播传媒 could deliver top-notch services, especially academic and career advising.

鈥淭he faculty advising is critical to a good start for students, and I’ve seen a lot of wonderful things that 乐播传媒 has done that have really eased my level of anxiety there,鈥� she says.

鈥淲e are there to help and support Ned. And if questions come up, we always bring it back to, 鈥楬ave you utilized the services available to you at 乐播传媒?鈥欌��