乐播传媒

Minutes 9/14

A woody clearing betwixt the picturesque nineteenth century brick edifices of 乐播传媒 College. A smattering of crunchy upperclassmen, along with small groups of nervous first-years, sit criss-cross-apple-sauce (apple-saucy-fact am I right?) in something that loosely resembles a circle.

A rollerblading scrub enters left– SKRRRRRRRRR, BRRRRAHHHH

More Bobcats enter left and right, hitting up that BOC life

JKlein begins an impromptu game of duck duck goose (it鈥檚 goose, shutup)

President NATHAN D. PLOCK calls the meeting to order

Directors introduce themselves–

鈥淗ey I鈥檓 Nate and I鈥檓 the president blah blah鈥�

鈥淚鈥檓 Noel and I like Katahdin鈥�

鈥淚鈥檓 Kurt and I run the snapchat鈥�

鈥淚鈥檓 soccer and I run the e room with Miles (Kilometers)鈥�

鈥淚鈥檓 Audrey and 鈥榦hhhhhh鈥� I鈥檓 a senior鈥�

鈥淚鈥檓 Emmet and I鈥檒l get wet with you鈥�

鈥淚鈥檓 Dan and I can go up things with my hands and stuff鈥�

鈥淚鈥檓 Paul and I鈥檓 off the deep end鈥�

鈥淚鈥檓 Bruno and I鈥檓 from Cali鈥�

鈥淚鈥檓 Josh and I am Kurt鈥檚 apprentice鈥�

鈥淚鈥檓 Sam and I get pitted鈥�

鈥淚鈥檓 Eli and I get arguably more pitted鈥�

鈥淚鈥檓 not Tess but she鈥檚 the treasurer鈥�

鈥淚鈥檓 Adair and I am a squid鈥�

鈥淚鈥檓 Sophia and I keep things fresh鈥�

鈥淚鈥檓 Emma and I ride bikes鈥�

— Nate lets everybody know where the e room is. It鈥檚 a great place (what a great place) 聽to get all the gear you need for your next adventure. It鈥檚 in the depths of Chase Hall鈥檚 buttcrack aka the loading dock aka the package center (RIP (Harambe)). If you rented gear for AESOP, go to the same place.

— Meetings will take place outside for as long as possible. Why? Check the name of the club. When things get chilly we can either huddle like penguins for warmth (mmmm body heat. Flashbacks to AESOP? I hope not鈥�), or we can go to the meeting room. Meeting room is near the e room, in what could be considered Chase Hall鈥檚 gooch. It鈥檚 the far left door when facing the loading dock from Muskie.

— All 乐播传媒 students are considered active members of the club, but only 鈥楥ouncil Members鈥� can vote on club business. To become a Council Member: Go to three meetings, go to a work trip (Rihanna will be there), and then tell a tale of any one of your dank adventures. If you do all that you get a rad patch as well as mad rep.

— Soccer puts in a savagely shameless plug for volunteering at the e room. Get involved, people. Kilometers adds that this is a great way to work your way up the BOC鈥檚 complex corporate hierarchy.

A dead silence follows as the inexperienced administration has a catastrophic brain fart. Crickets do their thang. First years begin to leave. Kurt laughs about something he did on BDD snapchat. Things are getting tense.

Paul the Deepest rips a fat stinker to break the silence. The poor first years to his right and left collapse from spontaneous asphyxiation, and Miles (Kilometers) gets to work. Ekey gives president Nate a mean backhand to wake him from his drooling stupor. The meeting resumes.

— BOC meetings go as follows:

– Announcements, Hell yes. (Eli has an announcement about surfing because he鈥檚 a freaking degenerate) (Announcement two: Sugarloaf Mountain Bike Fest next weekend– it鈥檚 sick) (Announcement three: don鈥檛 steal the fucking climbing shoes from the climbing wall) (All of these announcements have me nostalgic for announce emails, RIP (Harambe))

– Trips, Hell. Yes. (Soccer鈥檚 going to Higgins) (Eli鈥檚 going to Higgins) (Adair is going to the lean-to– send it) (Dan the Sendy is stripping the sending wall tomorrow—–WORK TRIIIIP) (Marshreddy is going for a bike ride tomorrow) (Rickerich the Tubular is going surfing mad early Friday morning) (Shred Barn–5:30–tomorrow–___SUNRISE PADDLE___) (Audrey is going on a run after the meeting, dude come onnnnnn)

– This SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY (JK Saturday) is Clambake. It鈥檚 a full-send adventure into lobster territory. Send it, shred it, love it, shine bright. Peeps are biking. It鈥檚 a 鈥淏eginner Friendly鈥� roadbike-required, 42 mile ride. Okay Maddy. Sure.

– if 鈪� of your car is open you can get a BOC funded trip. Send an email and/or talk about it at a meeting. 聽Do it.

– GEAR. Finally鈥� (Eli wants surfing stu— 鈥淐hill I got this鈥� -Bruno) (Dan wants $50 worth of climbing chalk) (I was supposed to send out emails? Nahhhhh) (Let鈥檚 vote)

–$800 for wetsuits APPROVED

–Chalk already approved? waaaaat

-STORIES. Shit yes.

–Sarge fucking sent the Grand Teton. He鈥檚 almost crushed by a microwave? 聽Two Microwaves? Three Microwaves? Four? He lived. His selfie taking partner really killed the vibe. Summited anyway. Savage.

–Miles and Rosie decided to fuck their AESOP leadership trip over. It was not chill. Like nine miles not chill.

–Paul the Deepest recounts the tale of the first (not) ascent of Mt. Bassie. The crux of his trip was pissing on his toothbrush. It was basically a 200% send.

–Katie鈥檚 yung camper (*rap air horn*) was shitty at shitting. Poops on her poop bag. Poops on Katie鈥檚 poop bag. Pooping in bags? Overrated.

— AUDREY GODDAMMIT ANNOUNCEMENTS are over. 鈥淒o the outdoor nation thing鈥� 鈥淥kay鈥�

— 鈥淚鈥檓 Nate and I鈥檓 the president and the meeting is over鈥�

Miles manages to revive one of Paul鈥檚 victims, but the other is in critical condition. He uses his pocket HAM radio to call in the CMMC chopper. It attempts a high-risk approach to the LZ. Kurt is performing snapchat shit. The chopper鈥檚 rotor clips an ear of the bobcat-shaped library (it doesn鈥檛 look like a bobcat). Kurt rouses the group into a BDD death chant as the chopper spins out of control, careening towards the ill-fated group.

To be continued