At the start of their child’s college hunt, parents tend to speculate about their children’s prospects for career and happiness.

But in the weeks and days before the start of college itself, they start drilling down to the basics.

Carrie Murphey ’06, assistant dean of students for first-year experience and housing, is a prime mover in the activities during and around Opening Day and Orientation. When she hears from parents and family members of new students during the summer, it’s often about issues like, “’They’ll need to know how to do laundry!’ or ‘What if they need a snack and the dining hall is closed?’”

Such concerns only make sense. “They’re watching their child live at home, and then feeling like, ‘Well, what will that look like at college?’”

Nevertheless, there’s only one answer to questions like that, Murphey says: “Their students won’t know until they’re here, and they can begin figuring it out for themselves.”

A prime mover in the activities during and around Opening Day and Orientation, Carrie Murphey ’09 (left) poses with Molly Newton ’11, assistant dean of students for residence life and health education, on Opening Day in 2016. (Phyllis Graber Jensen/�ֲ���ý College)

In fact, of all the ways parents can support their newly fledged students, one of the most valuable is easing back and trusting them to figure college out — and to trust schools like �ֲ���ý to help them do that.

In her chats with family members, Murphey says, “I’ll try to include phrases like, ‘What I would tell your student if they called,’ or ‘What your student might hear from me is —.’”

“It’s important for parents to step back so that their children can develop their own strategies for problem-solving.”

The important point is that “the developmental process of college is students emerging further into their self-advocacy. There shouldn’t be anything that a parent or family member can get for their student that the student can’t get for themselves,” she explains.

“We recognize and embrace parent and family members as integral to the experience” — but it’s “really as support for their student’s experience.”

�ֲ���ý parent Genny Allard agrees. “It’s important for parents to step back so that their children can develop their own strategies for problem-solving.” More instructive than supplying answers, she continues, is “encouraging them to find the resources they need on campus to make their own decisions.

“Acting as a guide on the side is really the role of a parent of college kids.”

Jason Seeger ’21 of Belmont, Mass., embraces his mother, Kim Seeger, following the Farewell Reception and Family Goodbye for the Class of 2021 last August. (Phyllis Graber Jensen/�ֲ���ý College)

In three words, Angela Church, the mother of Maya Church ’20 of Atlanta, conveys the  internal conflict that parents feel. On the eve of Maya’s matriculation, she said that she and her husband felt “proud, thrilled, and nervous.”

The first two words were because Maya would venture far from the familiar South for the school of civil rights leader Benjamin Mays, who graduated from �ֲ���ý exactly 100 years before Maya’s anticipated graduation date. And “nervous” because she wondered “how Maya would manage the cold weather and when she would get homesick.”

So Angela and her husband responded by looking outward and inward, “by calling Maya everyday, sending special care packets, flying her home for holidays, and most importantly, praying that Maya would have an outstanding college experience.”

Even as a child gains independence and maturity, parents often still see the vulnerabilities and uncertainties that remain. For Ed Walker ’02, who was a �ֲ���ý student when his daughter, Tiauna Walker ’21 of Millbury, Mass, was born, he saw the things that “that I’ve spent her whole life trying to shelter her from,” such as the dangers of alcohol.

Ed Walker ’02 speaks during a Q&A session for parents held in April during an Admitted Student Reception in the Mays Center. At left and right are parents Missy Moreland and Genny Allard. (Phyllis Graber Jensen/�ֲ���ý College)

To allay those worries, Walker has learned to “trust. She is a young woman now, and I’ve had to come to terms with that. And I have strong comfort in knowing who she is as a person,” he says.

As Tiauna looks ahead to her sophomore year, that trust has “allowed our relationship to get stronger,” Ed says. “She talks to me much more openly now, I think. She still checks in with me often and she solicits my advice on a lot of things regarding her academics and just her personal life.

“Most importantly, at least to me, is that she still shows the utmost respect to herself, which was a foundational lesson for her. As long as she’s doing that, there’s not much more I can really ask for.”

College as a developmental process for parents and students alike is also on the mind of Rebecca Fraser-Thill, a member of the psychology faculty and the director of faculty engagement and outreach for Purposeful Work at �ֲ���ý.

Rebecca Fraser-Thill delivers the college’s Purposeful Work message to new parents on Opening Day in 2016. (Phyllis Graber Jensen/�ֲ���ý College)

She says that the “guide on the side” concept dovetails neatly with the goal of Purposeful Work: helping students gain self-knowledge that can enable them to align who they are with work that will satisfy them — and bring them happiness after college, every parent’s hope.

Now beginning its fifth year of implementation, Purposeful Work has a parent focus. The first year in college, and even the first weeks, “are about setting students up for feeling purpose and meaning in their work,” says Fraser-Thill.

Encourage your student to range around — and be sure to reflect back to them the things that worked and those that didn’t.

That process requires exploration. “This is the time to try out different clubs. It’s to try out different courses — don’t zero in on a major and take four classes in the same topic the first semester.”

She says, “Something that, often, is a tension point early on is when parents encourage narrowing, by and large, faster than we as a liberal arts institution would encourage it.” Instead, encourage your student to range around — and be sure to reflect back to them the things that worked and those that didn’t.

And while you’re being encouraging, help yourself to some of that too, Fraser-Thill suggests. “Being easy on yourself as a parent is really key to the whole process as well — understanding that it’s a developmental journey for you, as much as it is for your child.”

Allard recalls the time, a few weeks before she launched her son, Jack, on his college career in 2012, that she got a phone call from the mother of a �ֲ���ý senior. It was a welcoming phone call, initiated by �ֲ���ý as a way for veteran �ֲ���ý parents to reach out to new ones — but it was also a call that Allard welcomed as she contemplated her concerns about sending Jack off.

“She honestly alleviated any silly concerns I had,” Allard laughs. “He was only going to Maine, not the moon.”

She and the caller “talked honestly about the concerns mothers have for their children who head off to Maine to college,” says Genny, who teaches at a New Jersey high school.

“This mother was also from New Jersey. She informed me that buying him L.L.Bean boots would be a good investment for the Maine winters.”

Allaying Allard’s fears about the distance from New Jersey to Maine, “she assured me that that the college was equipped to assist Jack if he needed anything.”

On Opening Day in 2015, Daniel Fichmann ’19 of New York City gets out of the family vehicle as parents Jose and Barbara drop him off at Commons on Central Avenue. (Phyllis Graber Jensen/�ֲ���ý College)

“She honestly alleviated any silly concerns I had,” Allard laughs. “He was only going to Maine, not the moon.”

Allard’s daughter, Katie, followed Jack to �ֲ���ý three years later. Genny adds, “I’ve had confidence in them to strategize solutions. We always let our kids know we were here for them if they needed a sounding board, but that they were ultimately the ones who had to make the choices.”

An active volunteer with the college’s Parents and Family Association, Missy Moreland has been on the giving end of those �ֲ���ý phone calls. Her son is Ned Moreland ’19 of Monkton, Md., and while he’s been a self-starter at �ֲ���ý, she satisfied herself that �ֲ���ý could deliver top-notch services, especially academic and career advising.

“The faculty advising is critical to a good start for students, and I’ve seen a lot of wonderful things that �ֲ���ý has done that have really eased my level of anxiety there,” she says.

“We are there to help and support Ned. And if questions come up, we always bring it back to, ‘Have you utilized the services available to you at �ֲ���ý?’”

The sweet spot of any AESOP trip — the three-night, four-day excursions each incoming first-year takes during Orientation — is the third day, says Avery Margerum ’18 of Wyncote, Pa.

“The first day, everyone’s new,” he explains. “The second day, everyone’s kind of tired from the first day. Then the third day, everyone gets a second wind and is more comfortable around each other. I’m looking forward to that period where everyone is comfortable and happy, and we’re all just making trails.”  

For Margerum, those trails are literal — with Amanda Fasciano ’18 of Lincoln, Mass., he’s leading a backpacking trip to Saddleback Mountain.

But whether they’re hiking up mountains, making art on Monhegan Island, or helping build homes in Lewiston-Auburn, first-years on the distinctive Annual Entering Student Outdoor Program (AESOP) trips forge connections with each other and their trip leaders.

Boxes filled Memorial Commons in Chase Hall, loaded throughout the week of August 21 with gear and food for upcoming AESOP trips. (Photo by Theophil Syslo/�ֲ���ý College)

“Being on a trip with the same group for four days, you really get to know the people,” says Adair Andre ’18 of Edina, Minn., one of three head coordinators. “I think it helps people get out of their comfort zone a little more and get to know people more than the surface-level introductions you have every day.”

The getting-to-know-you process is a crucial goal of the college’s nine-day Orientation program that helps the Class of 2021 transition to life at �ֲ���ý, says Carrie Murphey ’06, assistant dean of students for first-year programs.

For Murphey, AESOP offers a welcome respite from the intensity of Orientation. “By the time they head out on their AESOP trips a few days into Orientation, they’ve settled some of those nerves, and they’re ready to connect in a really authentic way with a new set of people and explore and see other things,” Murphey says.

Blazing the logistical trail to that all-important third day is a momentous endeavor. Starting in January, Andre and the other head coordinators, Kurt Niiler ’18 of Freedom, N.H. and Katie Hartnett ’18 of St. Paul, Minn., began to hire assistant coordinators and 112 trip leaders, who would oversee 56 trips around Maine and New Hampshire for 450 first-years — everyone except first-year fall athletes in training.

The AESOP leaders and coordinators all came together on Aug. 21 for Leadership Week, a jam-packed period of preparation, certification, and community-building.

AESOP co-coordinator Kurt Niiler ’18 of Freedom, N.H., demonstrates to trip leaders how to tie a bowline knot and a trucker’s hitch knot during training outside Chase Hall on Aug. 24. (Theophil Syslo/�ֲ���ý College)

Hundreds of boxes filled Memorial Commons in Chase Hall, while gear and food lined the walls. There were pots and pans and tarps and tents to sort, as well as food: 68 bottles of hot sauce, 2,061 Nutri-Grain bars, and 131 tubs of cream cheese, to name a few. Empty keytags hung on a wall, ready for keys that will fire up vans and trucks to transport students and gear all over the place. On Tuesday, leaders zipped around the room, filling the boxes.

The coordinators and leaders make sure each student feels included on a trip. Extra backpacks and sleeping bags are available for those who can’t bring their own. A variety of food accommodates different diets. The trip leaders got certified in wilderness first aid training, completed Green Dot violence prevention training, and heard presentations from college offices on Title IX and diversity in the outdoors.

The students, Andre says, are “not just going to be people who are comfortable in the outdoors, it’s going to be all the first-years. We talk about how can we accommodate people going to different places, make sure people are comfortable on their trips when it’s a different situation for them.

Empty keytags hang on a board in Memorial Commons below the names of various destinations for first-year AESOP trips during Orientation. The keytags will soon be filled with vehicle keys for 60 vans and trucks that will take first-years on their outdoor and service trips throughout Maine and New Hampshire. (Jay Burns/�ֲ���ý College)

The trip coordinators and leaders also made sure they would be comfortable with each other. They went skating at the Rollodrome and competed in teams to earn points to win prizes. In a dessert-making competition documented on Snapchat, a tall homemade ice cream creation won 100 points. This weekend, they’ll take a trip themselves.

All so that on Thursday, when first-years leave campus, cell phones, and their own rooms behind and set out to hike, paddle, or meditate, they feel welcomed and taken care of.

“The AESOP experience in the center of the week really provides a nice break from campus,” Murphey says. “It exposes students to the rest of what we consider the extended community of �ֲ���ý, which is this amazing location that we have.”

Those new friends, both under- and upperclass students, give first-years an initial social circle, critical for navigating the whirlwind of moving in, saying goodbye to parents, and starting life at �ֲ���ý.

“The best part is having trips come back and being able to tell that all the AESOP’ers are super stoked,” Andre says. “They leave pretty quiet and pretty shy, and coming back, they’re all friends.”

The beginning is subtle.

Campus is still quiet, but suddenly there are unfamiliar faces in bare-shelved faculty offices.

The first upperclass students to return are coming and going around the dorms. Among those students are the AESOP leaders, who gather under Alumni Walk birches for training and earnest discussions.

A scavenger hunt dispatches Bobcat First! participants around the campus: “There’s the lake,” says one. “You mean the Puddle,” another responds.

These are portents of a new academic year at �ֲ���ý. And on Monday, Aug. 28 — Opening Day — those subtle signs will become surging activity as the Class of 2021 moves in.

Opening Day also begins Orientation for the 510 members of the class. There’s much to learn about the college, as well as about each other, during the nine days of Orientation. But Carrie Murphey, who organizes Orientation, emphasizes that it’s not a Bobcat boot camp.

For first-gen students, who arrive the week before Opening Day, the Bobcat First! program helps to foster a greater sense of well-being, belonging, and self-empowerment. Here are a few Bobcats First! students and program mentors: Kyle Larry ’21 of Chicago, Samantha Alexander ’20 of Menlow, Iowa, Doris Etienne ’20 of Brooklyn, N.Y., Anais Gonzalez ’20 of Hanford, Calif., Lebanos Mengistu ’21 of Somerville, Mass., and Samatar Iman ’21 of Auburn, Maine. (Phyllis Graber Jensen/�ֲ���ý College)

Instead, it’s a �ֲ���ý sampler. The goal is to “forecast the type of experience you can expect to have at �ֲ���ý,” says Murphey, assistant dean of students for first-year programs and an alumna herself, Class of 2006.

+Facts and figures about the Class of 2021

The new students will have ample opportunity, she explains, to “start to see where they might fit in at �ֲ���ý and who they might fit in with. They’ll begin to see themselves in the fabric of the community.”

Pointing new students and families toward their destinations is job No. 1 on Opening Day. In this image from 2016, members of Residence Life, AESOP trip leaders, and Orientation Week Leaders steer a dad toward Kalperis Hall. (Phyllis Graber Jensen/�ֲ���ý College)

She says, “Academically, the first-years will have time with their First-Year Seminar instructors,” who are also first-year advisers. Residentially, they’ll get to know classmates assigned to their first-year centers, as well as the 42 Junior Advisors who direct the centers.

And, as always, �ֲ���ý’ fabled AESOP trips — the Annual Entering Student Outdoor Program — will encourage the newbies to bond with both upperclass expedition leaders and, of course, the Maine outdoors that is so important to the �ֲ���ý experience.

Four days long and comprising 56 different student-run trips or programs, AESOP provides a break in the middle of Orientation. On either side of AESOP, the new kids — and their parents, at least on Opening Day — are offered programs that combine practical information with an introduction to �ֲ���ý values and signature initiatives.

In 2015, Mickai Mercer ’19 of Philadelphia and a fellow first-year sit and sketch during their AESOP trip to the art colony on Monhegan Island. This year’s Monhegan trip is “Art/Meditation” with: Olga Revzina ’18 of Bethesda, Md., and John Ricatto ’18 of Ridgewood, N.J. (Phyllis Graber Jensen/�ֲ���ý College)

For instance, Junior Advisors, along with Brooks Quimby debaters and discussants from faculty and staff, will guide the first-years in an exploration of the 2017 Common Reading. This year, the new class was assigned , lawyer-activist Bryan Stevenson’s 2014 examination of injustice in the criminal justice system.

That’s a subject much discussed by the �ֲ���ý community in recent years. “It is a heavy set of topics, and Stevenson doesn’t write about it in a way that lightens it at all,” Murphey says. “But it allows the reader to stick with it and be close to it.”

Echoing the college’s distinctive Purposeful Work initiative, a theme of the book “is getting close to the work that you do and the things that you care about,” Murphey continues.

“And it’s just such a compellingly written book about important social justice topics — race and socioeconomic class, all these things that we want students to build a foundation for talking about at �ֲ���ý.

First-Year Seminars begin during Orientation. In this 2016 image, Assistant Professor of Biology Brett Huggett teaches basic techniques to observe and document natural life to Paige Rabb ’20 of Stamford, Conn., a student in the First-Year Seminar “The Natural History of Maine’s Neighborhoods and Woods.” (Phyllis Graber Jensen/�ֲ���ý College)

If the Common Reading has �ֲ���ý looking outward, the Voices of �ֲ���ý program is introspective, introducing the college to its newest members. The program debuted last year with a deeply researched interpretative performance by Anike Tourse ’92. For this year, Portland, Maine-based filmmaker Yoon Byun has created a 20-minute video comprising �ֲ���ý people’s thoughts about the college and their experiences here.

“That’s themed around acknowledging that people come into �ֲ���ý with all sorts of different experiences,” says Murphey, “and that the strength of our community is built on how we exchange those experiences and how we honor and understand each other’s perspectives. And that we are truly a stronger community when we do that effectively.

“The hope is that this conversation on the second night of Orientation will be among the first of countless others they’ll have, in informal and formal ways, over the course of four years, and as alumni too.”

Shown in 2016, the Opening Day barbecue for new students and families is an annual tradition. The menu for 2017 includes pulled pork and chicken, chipotle tofu, and, this being Maine, three varieties of whoopie pies. (Josh Kuckens/�ֲ���ý College)

A few hundred old (and not so old) �ֲ���ý hands will be around to help the newbies settle in on Monday. The upperclass students will include 24 Orientation Week Leaders (who? OWLs) and their coordinator; 65 Junior Advisors and Residence Coordinators; and 112 AESOP trip leaders, along with six AESOP coordinators.

In addition, Murphey notes, about 35 faculty First-Year Seminar instructors will meet first-years in advising sessions, and additional faculty will take part in the Common Reading and Voices of �ֲ���ý discussions. Some, she notes, will be around in part because they simply want to get a sense of the new arrivals.

Twenty-five or so �ֲ���ý staff in Welcome Crew T-shirts will be ready and willing to assist students and families in all kinds of ways. And they’re just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to staff hospitality on Opening Day, says Murphey.

“An incredible number of people in the college care deeply about welcoming new students and their families, and they’ll be around on Opening Day and throughout Orientation,” Murphey says — “helpful, warm, friendly, and just extending that characteristic �ֲ���ý spirit.”